Vital Football

A fit and proper person or two!

A fit and proper person or two!
With apologies to the writers of the musical 'Oliver!'

Imagine the scene...the boardroom at Fratton Park, 'Appy is sat pondering the clubs future, when a ghostly figure materialises and puts a kindly arm around his shoulder... He begins to speak:

You see, Appy...

In this life, one thing counts
In the bank, large amounts
I'm afraid owners don't grow on trees,
You need a fit and proper person or two.

You need a fit and proper person or two, boys
You need a fit and proper person or two.

Why should we break our backs,
Trying to keep up with tax,
Better get some untaxed income-
From a fit or proper person or two.

You need a fit and proper person or two boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

We want someone who's not a crook,
Who'll come and take a proper look
Who'll treat us fair, not cook the books-
A fit and proper person or two.

You need a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

Just look at 'Palace a few years ago,
Went to the brink, we thought they'd go
Who came along to help them grow?
A fit and proper person or two!

You need a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

I'll tell you now, there is someone,
He won't be flash, just get things done,
Supporting Pompey for the long run,
A fit and proper person or two.

I spy a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

Then when the taxman comes on by,
We'll stand and look him in the eye,
Unpaid tax bills? No! Not I-
We have a fit and proper person or two!

We have a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

...as the song fades, 'Appy raises his head and looks around, but there is nobody to be seen... He shrugs his shoulders and walks slowly from the boardroom, and as he reaches the door, a phone rings...

Could it be?

'Pick a Pocket or two' lyrics from 'Oliver'

[BOYS]
Large amounts don't grow on trees.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN (spoken)]
Let's show Oliver how it's done, shall we, my dears?

[sung] Why should we break our backs
Stupidly paying tax?
Better get some untaxed income
Better to pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Why should we all break our backs?
Better pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN (spoken)]
Who says crime doesn't pay?

[sung] Robin Hood, what a crook!
Gave away, what he took.
Charity's fine, subscribe to mine.
Get out and pick-a-pocket or two

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Robin Hood was far too good
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN]
Take a tip from Bill Sikes
He can whip what he likes.
I recall, he started small
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
We can be like old Bill Sikes
If we pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN (spoken)]
Stop thief!

Dear old gent passing by
Something nice takes his eye
Everything's clear, attack the rear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Have no fear, attack the rear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN]
When I see someone rich,
Both my thumbs start to itch
Only to find some peace of mind
We have to pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Just to find some peace of mind

[FAGIN AND BOYS]
We have to pick-a-pocket or two!


Written by Pennymoon.

The views within this article are the views of the individual who wrote and submitted this piece, sometimes solely theirs. They are not necessarily shared by the Vital Pompey Site Journalists.

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Writer:Pennymoon
Date:Monday January 30 2012
Time: 1:41PM

Comments

0
Oh my God!
pompnut
30/01/2012 15:59:00
0
Lol Excellent- where are the bludy pockets though to pick though!
Russellm
30/01/2012 17:19:00
0
Truly brilliant!! I take my hat off too you for that, superb!! :-)
penton
30/01/2012 18:58:00
0
I'm staggered that only three people bothered to comment on this quite superb piece, no wonder most on here don't bother to contribute to this site and moan that nothing happens on here blah blah blah! Well if this is the response to the amount of effort Penny put in it's no wonder!
penton
31/01/2012 08:17:00
0
Thank you kind sr...Penny responding from Lemmi's sign in! We are on hols in Helsinki right now...I have had time to finish it...it's been rattling around for weeks!
Lemmi
31/01/2012 08:40:00
0
it certainly is an awesome bit of work, sorry for not commenting - i should have - but have done my communication with Pennymoon via email and pointed out how good i think it is...

penton i would not take it as a 'not bothering to comment' thought, and hope Pennymoon does not - i know that i, and others, regularly put alot of time and effort, and sometimes thought, into what we write - sometimes you think ***** it, if no one is interested why do it but you soon realise that it is not always the comments that tell you the story...
you just need to look on newsnow and the like to see that this story - some 24-hours later almost after publishing - is still the 2nd most viewed pompey article, that in itself tells me, and i hope it does Pennymoon, all you need to know about its quality..
pompeyrug
31/01/2012 12:27:00
0
Regardless Rug, Three comments!...I just thought it would of got a better feedback than that, that's all! You tell me that's how it works with newsnow; I didn't know that and i imagine most don't, and to most they couldn't care less. All i'm saying is, if it was my piece i'd put so much effort into to cheer peoples day, i'd have been seriously miffed if all i got were three comments! I wouldn't bother again! It's not as if anyone is expected to give an in depth review or are expected to come up with a complex mathematical equation, Just a little encouragement I imagine would go a long way to make it feel worthwhile for her!
penton
31/01/2012 13:40:00
0
fair enough, perhaps my timing was off with adding it? once other news starts and article slip down the front page they can be lost?
either way tho, like i say, quite clearly LOTS are looking at it and reading - no.1 on newsnow now :-)
pompeyrug
31/01/2012 13:59:00
0
Penny again...I'm not miffed, I'm a happy bunny =:0) ...and amazed and delighted that so many folks are reading it. It's also really lovely that you are so encouraging, I have not had time over the last year or so, to dream these up, but life has eased off on me and I have a teeny bit more time.
Lemmi
31/01/2012 14:33:00
0
Well that's good to hear Penny, i'll get off my soap box now! ;-)
penton
31/01/2012 16:11:00
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