A fit and proper person or two!

With apologies to the writers of the musical 'Oliver!'

Imagine the scene...the boardroom at Fratton Park, 'Appy is sat pondering the clubs future, when a ghostly figure materialises and puts a kindly arm around his shoulder... He begins to speak:

You see, Appy...

In this life, one thing counts
In the bank, large amounts
I'm afraid owners don't grow on trees,
You need a fit and proper person or two.

You need a fit and proper person or two, boys
You need a fit and proper person or two.

Why should we break our backs,
Trying to keep up with tax,
Better get some untaxed income-
From a fit or proper person or two.

You need a fit and proper person or two boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

We want someone who's not a crook,
Who'll come and take a proper look
Who'll treat us fair, not cook the books-
A fit and proper person or two.

You need a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

Just look at 'Palace a few years ago,
Went to the brink, we thought they'd go
Who came along to help them grow?
A fit and proper person or two!

You need a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

I'll tell you now, there is someone,
He won't be flash, just get things done,
Supporting Pompey for the long run,
A fit and proper person or two.

I spy a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

Then when the taxman comes on by,
We'll stand and look him in the eye,
Unpaid tax bills? No! Not I-
We have a fit and proper person or two!

We have a fit and proper person or two, boys,
A fit and proper person or two.

...as the song fades, 'Appy raises his head and looks around, but there is nobody to be seen... He shrugs his shoulders and walks slowly from the boardroom, and as he reaches the door, a phone rings...

Could it be?

'Pick a Pocket or two' lyrics from 'Oliver'

[BOYS]
Large amounts don't grow on trees.
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN (spoken)]
Let's show Oliver how it's done, shall we, my dears?

[sung] Why should we break our backs
Stupidly paying tax?
Better get some untaxed income
Better to pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Why should we all break our backs?
Better pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN (spoken)]
Who says crime doesn't pay?

[sung] Robin Hood, what a crook!
Gave away, what he took.
Charity's fine, subscribe to mine.
Get out and pick-a-pocket or two

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Robin Hood was far too good
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN]
Take a tip from Bill Sikes
He can whip what he likes.
I recall, he started small
He had to pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
We can be like old Bill Sikes
If we pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN (spoken)]
Stop thief!

Dear old gent passing by
Something nice takes his eye
Everything's clear, attack the rear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Have no fear, attack the rear
Get in and pick-a-pocket or two.

[FAGIN]
When I see someone rich,
Both my thumbs start to itch
Only to find some peace of mind
We have to pick-a-pocket or two.

You've got to pick-a-pocket or two, boys
You've got to pick-a-pocket or two.

[BOYS]
Just to find some peace of mind

[FAGIN AND BOYS]
We have to pick-a-pocket or two!

Written by Pennymoon.

The views within this article are the views of the individual who wrote and submitted this piece, sometimes solely theirs. They are not necessarily shared by the Vital Pompey Site Journalists.

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