Chix's Chatter - Atten-Shun !
Commander Chix asks Pompey's Blue Army to assess what is left of the regiment ATTEN-SHUN! (That includes you Private Penton) Right you 'orrible little lot!
I have seen 'The Email', I have read 'The Official Statement' and I have heard enough moans and groans to last me well into World War Six.
But it stops now! (Stand-up straight Corporal Eastneydave) The bare faced fact of the matter is our General's have informed us that they haven't a military strategy of how to get themselves out of 'The Mess' so whether you like it or not, it is down to us to fight this battle of survival on our own.
Now men, (And that includes you Privates Tracyc, Gandor, Hammersmith Blue & UKTony) we have to show that we are made of sterner stuff than our Generals and face the fight alone, otherwise our once famous regiment will wither and die by the time PompeyCook stuff the Christmas Turkey
What we need to do is roll-call our current squadron and assess, if collectively, they are up to the task of surviving the next nine months in the face of severe adversity whilst being bombarded on all sides by our enemies. (Eyes front Private Plymouth Graham) I want your views on who you believe should be included in our Crack Attack (CRACK ATTACK) Unit, who we should keep back for reinforcements and who we should send over the top first.
All current personnel should be considered whether they be first year recruits or battle hardened warriors, but can only work with the soldiers we have today.
There will be no talk of O'Neil, Benjani, Lua Lua or Taylor. They are caught behind enemy lines and there's little hope of ever seeing them again
There will be no talk of Johnson, Defoe, Diarra, Crouch or others who have departed recently. Sadly they are classified as Casualties of War and their Next of Kin have been notified accordingly (Stop sniggering Private Cornypomp) There will be no talk of potential reinforcements for Australia, Cameroon, Cardiff or even Crewe irrespective of whether they are retiring veterans from another regiment
There will be no talk of any further potential deserters, Distin, James, Belhadj, Utaka & co are here today and we have to plan with what we've got, lovely boys !
So men, your mission whether you accept it or not, is to identify those soldiers within our current squadron who can be moulded into a unit that is prepared to battle hard for the cause.
You need not respect current regimental duties I just want to see names of personnel who are prepared to fight for each other and our famous regiment even if it means certain death. I WANT SOLDIERS that this Blue Army can be proud of, in fact I WANT HEROES
As self-appointed Commander-in-Charge I will have the final say of our Dirty Dozen but I will not make my final selection until way past 00:00 hrs so you have until then to convince me, and each other of the 12 soldiers in whom we should place our lives for the next nine months. But be aware men, some of those selected may not all come back. (Private Frippy - My office now!) One final point men. Talk of protestation or cowardice for battle will be dealt with very severely - You have been warned