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64 Seconds in Paris (Preview)

I`m not one of those parents who wrap their children up in cotton wool; I refuse to even pay for pyjamas. I do try my best to keep little Goliath away from television that he may find disturbing though, which normally involves avoiding programmes with Noel Edmonds.

Manchester United`s title winning celebrations at Eastlands caught me completely off-guard. The sight of a topless Rio Ferdinand should have set alarm bells ringing, but as he was next to a bare-chested Ronaldo; all I could think of was grabbing a can of Tango from the fridge.

Before I could reach the kitchen, the camera switched to widescreen to show Wayne Rooney with his hands gently caressing the bottom of his shirt. As Rooney`s intentions became clear, i lurched for the remote control in a desperate yet futile attempt to save Goliath from the grisly spectacle.

The wee man was left traumatised by the ensuing pictures, and he`s visited the sea-life centre on many occasions. Manchester United were in a similar state in `95 when the Hammers cost United the title; the Red Devils will finally take revenge at 3/5.

Jose Mourinho has rightly apologised for his over-the-top personal attack on Ronaldo. Judging a man as a result of his background is completely out of order; that`s the kind of thing a Frenchman would do. I`m surrendering to the 8/13 for a Chelsea win over Everton.

Reporting a crime to the filth has a certain stigma attached to it, like being seen in public with a Sweaty, but few would argue with Dabo`s decision to tuck up Joey Barton. Michael Ball`s stamp on Ronaldo would suggest that Barton has been a real influence on his team-mates; I`m putting my foot down, get on Spurs at 1/2 to see off Man City.

Charlton may have suffered the ignominy of relegation, but like Arnold Schwarzenegger, they`ll be back, probably harassing women. I`m getting my hands on the 2/5 for a Liverpool win over the Addicks.

I`m not one to point fingers, unless I see an overweight ginger-haired kid with glasses, but Freddie Shepherd should shoulder the blame for Newcastle`s awful season. A draw between the disappointing Watford and Newcastle will come as no surprise at 12/5.

Paris Hilton has found herself looking at a prison sentence, or to use the correct term; she`s gone for a Barton. (It`s heartbreaking when your favourite movie stars let themselves down.) That young lady needs to be scared straight; it would take me just over a minute. I`m currently getting stuck into the 11/10 for a Blackburn win over Reading.

Cesc Fabregas is a quality footballer, but I suspect that he may also lead a secret life as a superhero. Fabman`s noble quest is to mildly annoy tubby midfielders. An Arsenal win over Pompey is the call at an absolutely fabulous 6/4.

I have to take my hat off to Neil Warnock. The Sheffield United manager has only found himself in one touchline ruck this season; that`s a remarkable show of restraint from the combustible northerner. Sheffield United can put the nail in Wigan`s Premiership coffin at a placid 13/10.

Sammy Lee has always been a winner. The Bolton manager once played a starring role in Liverpool`s FA youth cup winning team; but he was 37 at the time. The wife is also a little person, but it doesn`t hold her back; I just put a chair by the sink. There`s nothing small about the 3/1 for an Aston Villa win over Bolton.

I`ll try anything once, except enter a pie-eating contest with Mark Viduka. I must have a go on Middlesbrough at 10/11 against Fulham.

Paris Hilton and I have a lot in common, we`re both reluctant to do a little bird. Aston Villa, Chelsea, Man Utd and Middlesbrough form a weekend accer that I am genuinely excited about; the payout is a salacious 18/1.

Weekend Betting:

Blackburn v Reading
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Blackburn 11/10
Draw 12/5
Reading 13/5

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
McCarthy to score two or more goals 13/2

Bolton v Aston Villa
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Bolton 10/11
Draw 13/5
Aston Villa 3/1

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Carew to score the only goal of the game 55/1

Chelsea v Everton
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Chelsea 8/13
Draw 14/5
Everton 6/1

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
John Terry to score with a header 9/1

Liverpool v Charlton
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Liverpool 2/5
Draw 7/2
Charlton 8/1

Get on: Liverpool

Match Special:
Liverpool to keep a clean sheet 10/11
Man Utd v West Ham
Sunday 13th May 15:00
Live on Sky

Man Utd 3/5
Draw 11/4
West Ham 5/1

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Rooney to score from outside the penalty area 5/1

Middlesbrough v Fulham
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Middlesbrough 10/11
Draw 12/5
Fulham 10/3

Get on: Middlesbrough

Match Special:
Viduka to score the first goal 11/2

Portsmouth v Arsenal
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Portsmouth 15/8
Draw 5/2
Arsenal 6/4

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Fabregas to score at any time 13/2

Sheff Utd v Wigan
Sunday 13th May 15:00
Live on Sky

Sheff Utd 13/10
Draw 12/5
Wigan 23/10

Get on: Sheff Utd

Match Special:
Sheff Utd to score three or more goals 5/1

Tottenham v Man City
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Tottenham 1/2
Draw 16/5
Man City 6/1

Get on: Tottenham

Match Special:
Berbatov to score a hat-trick 20/1

Watford v Newcastle
Sunday 13th May 15:00

Watford 9/5
Draw 12/5
Newcastle 7/4

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goal scorer in the match 8/1

By Gerry McDonnell

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Site Staff Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday May 10 2007

Time: 10:55AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
has anyone booked their tickets for hong kong yet?
The Rabbi
Report Abuse
10/05/2007 12:16:00

I know the HK trip is supposedly a prestige job and its partly for our sponsor OKI but on my trips 8 out of 10 chinese i have met who expressed a preference support ManU so i really would have preferred we try for the intertwobob cup.
Report Abuse
10/05/2007 12:52:00

at least we should finish above Fulham in China
Report Abuse
10/05/2007 18:49:00

i wouldnt count on it all the games are AWAY
Report Abuse
11/05/2007 20:58:00

I can't believe we're going to China... to play Fulham.
Report Abuse
11/05/2007 23:05:00

Re Fulham in China - It beats playing them in Putney. if we entered the intertoto, we'd be starting the season in about 48 hours time at Llanelli, which isn't an exciting prospect, especially given our away form.
The Rabbi
Report Abuse
14/05/2007 14:42:00


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