Vital Football

An Expired Pizza to Enter Jordan

An Expired Pizza to Enter Jordan

There is nothing more annoying than a parent who talks endlessly about how 'clever` or 'sporty` their child is, before whipping out a picture of some spotty two foot hooligan tucking in to the contents of his nostril.

My Goliath though, is genuinely bright for his age. The wee lad can speak about 10 words now; that`s three more than Paul Merson.

The little fellow will definitely be a footballer when he grows up. The last time we had a kick around in the garden he nutmegged me twice; nobody`s regretted opening their legs on two separate occasions since Mrs Neville. You won`t regret a bet on Manchester United at 3/10 to waltz past Watford in a one-sided FA Cup semi.

If the media are to be believed, and you`ll never find a more honest bunch of lads, Jose Mourinho is considering managing England when his tenure expires at Stamford Bridge.

This would be the greatest result for the average Englishman since Gareth Gates wore down Jordan with a pizza and some of the longest chat-up lines in history.

Chelsea have already beaten Blackburn on three occasions this season, a fourth win at 4/7 will set up the most eagerly awaited showdown since Peter Andre narrowly defeated Gareth Gates in a bare-knuckled 15 round extravaganza.

A few people are beginning to question Arsene Wenger, but Aristotle was once mocked when he suggested the Earth was round. Rumours of Arsenal`s demise have been leaked prematurely, they can return to winning ways against Bolton at a huge 8/11.

Liverpool are finishing the season with aplomb; Bellamy I think his name is. The Pool have won their last three against Manchester City by a single goal; another Liverpool victory is advised at 10/11.

Charlton`s recovery in recent weeks has been nothing short of sensational. The Addicks are on a real high, they can snatch an invaluable point from Goodison Park at 5/2.

Aston Villa return to the Riverside for the first time since a 4-0 cakewalk led to a visionary Middlesbrough fan hurling his season ticket at Steve McClaren. A punt on the Villa at 12/5 will lead to a healthy prophet.

It`s the Blades versus the Hammers at Bramall Lane; that`s more tools than you`d find in a Peter Andre fan club. It`s a must-win game for both teams; I`m siding with the rejuvenated West Ham at 2/1.

When I suggested that Wigan were a good bet for relegation in my pre-season write-up, I received more stick than a Manchester United fan in Rome. Another Tottenham win at 7/5 will place the cat well and truly amongst the pigeons.

I`m not too sure about Fulham`s decision to sack Chris Coleman a mere three days before a massive match away to Reading. I guess Mohammed Al Fayed wants to guarantee at least one decent result against the Royals. The arrival of Lawrie 'Dirty` Sanchez can inspire the Cottagers to a hard-fought point at 12/5.

David James is the Pauline Fowler of the football world; you wouldn`t want to get involved in a conversation with him, but he`s the man to see if you need a clean sheet. The fashion icon needs one more shutout to break the all-time Premiership record; a home fixture against Newcastle can land a Portsmouth win at 11/10 and a new record for Calamity at 6/4.

Arsenal, Portsmouth, Man Utd, Tottenham and Chelsea form a 16/1 weekend accer that is so candid, Peter Andre has decided to share his life story via the medium of a new single. 'What was I thinking` is released in all good record shops on Monday morning.

Weekend Betting:

Arsenal v Bolton

Saturday 14th April 15:00

Arsenal 8/11
Draw 13/5
Bolton 9/2

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Arsenal to score three or more goals 9/4

Man City v Liverpool
Saturday 14th April 15:00

Man City 7/2
Draw 5/2
Liverpool 10/11

Get on: Liverpool

Match Special:
Gerrard to score at any time 11/4

Middlesbrough v Aston Villa
Saturday 14th April 15:00

Middlesbrough 11/10
Draw 23/10
Aston Villa 12/5

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Agbonlahor to score two or more goals 9/1

Portsmouth v Newcastle
Saturday 14th April 15:00

Portsmouth 11/10
Draw 23/10
Newcastle 13/5

Get on: Portsmouth

Match Special:
Portsmouth to win and keep a clean sheet 12/5

Reading v Fulham
Saturday 14th April 15:00

Reading 10/11
Draw 12/5
Fulham 10/3

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
Lita to score in a 1-1 draw 12/1

Sheff Utd v West Ham
Saturday 14th April 15:00

Sheff Utd 6/4
Draw 23/10
West Ham 2/1

Get on: West Ham

Match Special:
Tevez to score the only goal of the game 40/1

Watford v Man Utd
FA Cup semi final
Saturday 14th April 17:30
Live on BBC One

Watford 12/1
Draw 9/2
Man Utd 3/10

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Rooney and Ronaldo both to score 9/2

Wigan v Tottenham
Sunday 15th April 13:30
Live on Sky

Wigan 2/1
Draw 23/10
Tottenham 7/5

Get on: Tottenham

Match Special:
Tottenham to keep a clean sheet 13/8

Everton v Charlton
Sunday 15th April 15:00

Everton 3/4
Draw 5/2
Charlton 4/1

Get on: Draw

Match Special:
No goalscorer in the match 10/1

Blackburn v Chelsea
FA Cup semi final
Sunday 15th April 16:00
Live on Sky

Blackburn 6/1
Draw 14/5
Chelsea 4/7

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
Ballack to score with a header 6/1

By Gerry McDonnell

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Site Staff
Date:Thursday April 12 2007
Time: 10:04AM


pick the winners
12/04/2007 10:42:00
Hope he's right with his prediction - "Get on Portsmouth - Portsmouth to win and keep a clean sheet 12/5" I so hope so!!! Play Up Pompey!!!!!!!!!
12/04/2007 11:18:00
A clean sheet and a big win would do it for me - it's about time.
12/04/2007 11:43:00
2-0 I reckon, in our favour. Though there is one thing to keep in mind - Michael Owen will be on the bench after he came through a match on Wednesday with no problems. What's the betting Pompey do what only Pompey can and always ever do, that is to lose 1-0 to a goal from Owen as he's been out for so long????
12/04/2007 11:49:00
If we play anything like we did against United against the toon we will win easily, even if we play like we did against Watford we may still win as Newcastle are a poor side compared to previous sides they've had down their prem years... Pompey win and Jamo to get his record clean sheet...
12/04/2007 12:19:00
...but then of course, we've not beaten the Toon at FP for at least six or even seven years. We seem to find it difficult to defeat them, so let's hope this time we break the jinx.
12/04/2007 12:52:00
We will win... but I said this about Watford too! I also said it about United though... The jinx will break and a new record be set...
12/04/2007 13:28:00
TPB didnt we beat them 5 years ago with a loanee called lualua goal. I do think we will win this one, effing well hope so, i cant keep losing tenners every week
12/04/2007 23:34:00
lua lua scored an equaliser if im correct
13/04/2007 00:19:00
Hi Russellm, that was the 2003/04 season, our first in the Prem - we didn't beat them but we did draw. You are quite correct however about Lualua being with us on loan. This was whilst Sir Bobby Robson was still manager of the Toon and all hell broke out when the Geordies suddenly realised a couple of days before the match that Lualua was able to play for us against them as it was there was no prevention put into the loan contract and it was before the Premier League made it a rule. On the day, the Geordies really got wound up after they were leading and then Lualua came on as a sub to score the equaliser with minutes remaining and pretty well his first touch of the ball! Just to wind them up even more, he did his famous tumble celebration right in front of them - I so hope he does it again tomorrow!
13/04/2007 09:34:00
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