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Countdown: 116 Hours - What a Carry On!

Transfer Window Entertainment Programme - Take 5

The latest reports from the media have us in turmoil - All is not healthy in Transfer Land.

We are hope that potential Pompey players are being assessed around the clock and that at least 'some' are queuing up, pen poised ready to sign on the dotted line.

However, Dr Chixy's trip around the wards of Transfer General Hospital tells quite a different 'Storrie'

This is what he found.

Confirmed Dead
Edu (Valencia)
Gary O'Neil (Middlesbrough)
Nathan Dyer (Swansea)
Edin Dzeko (Wolfsburg)
Marvin Elliot (Bristol City)
Patrick Vieira (Inter Milan)
Scott McDonald (Celtic)
Sidney Govou (Lyon)
Tranquillo Barnetta (Bayer Leverkusen)
Andrew Surman (Southampton)

Discharged
Jimmy Bullard (Fulham)

Gone Missing
Mirel Radoi (Steaua Bucharest)
Aruna Dindane (Lens)
Royston Drenthe (Real Madrid)
Christian Poulsen (Juventus)
Christian Obodo (Udinese)
Luis Garcia (Athletico Madrid)
Kris Boyd (Rangers)
Andy Driver (Hearts)
Modeste M'Bami (Olympique Marseille)
Roy Beerens (Heerenveen)

Critical
Javier Saviola (Real Madrid)
Emerson (AC Milan)
Sunny (Valencia)

In a Coma
Joey Barton (Newcastle United)
Manuel Fernandes (Valencia)
Michael Johnson (Manchester City)
Benjani (Manchester City)
Leroy Lita (Reading)
Stephen Hunt (Reading)
Fabian Delph (Leeds)

Transferred to Mental Wing
Szabolcs Huszti (Hannover)
Robbie Earnshaw (Nottm. Forest)
Stephen Appiah (Unattached)

Referred for Psychiatric Tests
Marco Materazzi (Inter Milan)

Referred to Dietician
Edmilson (Villarreal)

Awaiting Initial Assessment
Marlon Harewood (Aston Villa)
Olivier Dacourt (Inter)
Peguy Luyindula (PSV)
Afella Netherheardov (NE Wear)
Annun Nounforward (Sumplacein Africa)

Potential Out-Patients
Yohann Pele (Le Mans)
Amdy Faye AKA Andy Henry (Stoke)

Confirmed Out-Patients
Hayden Mullins (West Ham)
Jermaine Pennant (Liverpool)
Pele (Porto)


So there you have it, Dr. Chixy's assessment on the health of Potential Pompey Prospects

Would you like to offer a second opinion ?

Place your thoughts below.
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The Journalist

Writer: Chix Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday January 28 2009

Time: 9:06PM

Your Comments

Not much to get excited about is it? hr always pulled a beauty out the bag in the last minutes, can Tony Adams?
paultsmouth
Hi ya Paul
No not a lot - I was actually looking forward to this week but the Saviola interest fell away last night and the Sunny deal seems to have collapsed. So all we are really left with is a goalie called Pele and Amdy Faye
Chix
And Marlon Harewood...Don't forget Marlon Harewood
pentonpompey
If we want Faye I will really start to worry! We seem hellbent on destructive midfielders and Foreign lads with potential right now, neither will score goals and keep us safe
paultsmouth
Penton
I haven't ! Have a butchers under Awaiting Initial Assessment
Chix
Paul
The Andy Henry link is a bit worrying for me too .. It's not the same but similar.. Merson made a point about Richard Hughes new contract the other day and questioned why we are offering a player who couldn't hold down a regular place six years ago a 30 month contract.. Same could be said for Faye I know we don't have much money and that's fair enough but surely Andy Henry is a backward move
Chix
A few players listed that should be put down for impersonating footballers.
storagematt
whilst half the people in chixs top list haven't been linked with us for weeks you do get to worry that Pompey are in real trouble and we prefer to blame the rest of the pressworld.rug and I were wondering have we gone to the old ways of getting linked to a player then make a derisory bid to ensure he doesn't come, turns out we were wrong! We have gone the sick note route. I dont buy all this my team stuff from Adams thats just an attempt to buy time whilst he learns his trade. I agree with what Paultsmouth says and I suspect I won't get my English manager and 4 Pompey players in the england team dream. Plus I'm probably going to lose my 150 I put down ok us staying up. That's my weekly rant done and I will depart to put a tenner on us to win our next game, score predictions anyone?
russellm
Chix
Great stuff as always but I have never heard of this bloke Afella Netherheardov. Looked on Wikipedia for Annun Nounforward and it said 'unknown'!! I think you might just be making this all up!!
eastneydave
I was worried about the players we were being linked with when it was Edu & O'Neil. Now with our current crop of signings and players were linked with, I'd snap up those two in an instant. Sad and worrying times. The worst team in the Premier League at the moment and Russell kiss that tenner goodbye.
stillthewhizz
Storagematt
A new category I might just introduce for tomorrows article -I just hope you are not referring to any of those in the Confirmed Out-Patients list !
Chix
Russ
I share a fair few of your thoughts but I don't reckon/pray that you won't lose your 150 quid - Neck on the line.. We'll sneak a 1-0 win against Fulham
Chix
well as bad as the news is i'm glad your back with another article chix i really had forgot how many players we had been linked with over this month, and to be brutily honest your articles are about the only things in this transfer window to have put a smile on my face so far. oh and i loved the refered to dietician bit edmilson really has let himself go lol i saw a video of him running and it was just embarrising
pompeym@
Dave
Thanks as always for the encouragement, bit me make something up ... surely not.. Oh forgot to mention I saw Fernando Torres outside Fratton Park last night .. apparently the deal was done until he demanded the no9 shirt but Crouchy woudn't give it up
Chix
Chix, I know that! sometimes jests get lost in the ether, just as i wish Marlon Harwewood would, and if he would I would be glad!
pentonpompey
Whizz
Not sure we are the worse team in the premiership .. although our reslts do not lie. I do however agree that the likes of Edu & GON seem a million miles away now. I'm still holding out hope though... Praying for that player who can provide that Mendes Moment
Chix
Pompeym@
Happy to be of service my friend. Edmilson made me smile too. The best one though I couldn't use .. I originally had Jermaine Pennent down as Awaiting De-Tagging but then the bugger signed..
Chix
Penton
I'm as fast as a cross between Mick Quinn & Kanu today. I apologise. Harewood however has proved useful from the bench for Villa - Who knows he could sit alongside Nugent & Utaka & Kanu and another other forwards we have hanging around that struggle to perform for 90 minutes..
Chix
I don't honestly think anyone really has a clue! Untill the site published we had agreed a fee for pennant, we wern't linked, untill we signed pele, I had never heard of him, and it was only the morning before that I had heard anything linking us to mullins. Saviola I have decided is not coming, and never was - and that we have been more after a striker in the heskey/crouch/kanu mould (benji?) - however the chances are, I will not have heard of them. I EXPECT tony to pull something out of the hat - after all, he has dpone for the last 3 transfers hasn't he?
pompeycarpet
And in that Chix, he for just once in his career would excell
pentonpompey
Harewood would not get into the side at Reading, Wolves Swansea or Bristol City and some other, he may not even get into Leicester City's side, and we are linked with him. I can only hope that this is an agent and a Journo getting some publicity same as Amdy Faye. But sadly i think we will end up with both, because Tony is thinking championship team get them in now get some top flight experience for the younger ones and cheep deals on the older ones. its a laugh a minute. Johnson James Kranjar Kaboul Distan and Crouch all move on in the summer and then look at the team that is left..Championship..actually mid table championship at that. Meanwhile... Redknapp wins uefa and league cup double, signs Johnson and Crouch in the summer, saints avoid relegation and build a fantastic ball playing young side, and Martin Allen gets the Pompey Job when Milan sells Leicester City for a massive prophet...ive slipped into the surreal nightmare again..or have I?
plymouth graham
PROFIT not Prophet as a pompey fan i obviously cant spell that word
plymouth graham
doomed...we're all doomed
plymouth graham
Id love to see Tonys list of 150 PLAYERS! there must be some shockers
nodster
TONY OUT TONY OUT TONY OUT
harrissman
Carpet
You make an excellent point. We are all too quick to have a dig at Admas and Storrie for 'spraking too much' yet as you say not one of us predicted any of the three signings we've made so far this window. I think the last two players on the Awaiting Initial Assessment list are the most likely to come in during what is left of this window and as Penton says if that happens then Tony has indeed excelled.
Chix
Plymouth Graham
WAKE UP my friend you are having a terrible nightmare. You've found yourself in the set of Dad's Army!
Chix
Nodster
Yeah Tony's list of 150 would be a sight wouldn't but in fairness if we were to compile a list and then apply the financial constraints he has how many 'superstars' do you think we could come up with?.. We'd then have to assume that other clubs are in for the same players too - In all honesty I'm not sure our list would contain many if any players that as a fan we'd be 100% happy with - It's just the situation we as a club find ourselves in - What can we or indeed he really do?
Chix
Harrisman
You can call for Adams departure as loud and as often as you like and some would agree and others not, but the fact remains that for whatever reasons we are where we are and so if YOU were the manager - Who would you buy ?
Chix
Chix, I don't know how to answer that, but we are on our worst run since Perrin left, and we all know what happened that season. If we to make one signing, I would like to see a replacement for Peter "Jackanory' Storrie. I don't think he particularly good at his job as his track record proves. In the deal for Diarra, he should have insisted that we get Saviola, if that is what Tony wanted. It's not that hard.. with regards to players.....we need a manager that will attract the players. I like Tony's thinking with regard to a European style approach, but lets face it, this is the Premier League and it just doesn't work that well unless you have the players to do the system Justice
harrissman
Harrisman
I don't want to drag the thread away from Transfers too much.. but I do take your point. But let's face it we do have Peter Storrie and we do have Tony Adams and like it or not I can't see either changing between now and May. The point is however that even if Adams leaves today we still have the same players as we had yesterday so regardless of manager or formation they are either good enough to keep us up or not ... and if not we need to add to them within the next couple of days..
Chix
Everyone fancies O'Neill or Mendes back, but the goalscoring midfielder who always gave everything and always looked likey to score, buried another for Bolton last night
paultsmouth
there's a lot who got stolen!! and a ot who just dont want to come. just coz we're not a BIG team this saeson...
MFFP
Paul
A great shout and what I'd give to have SuperMatt back at Fratton. To me Mendes wasn't the player some seem to think he was and GON isn't/wasn't the centre midfield maestro some seen to think he was either. Neither scored goals come to that apart from the occassional one or two.. Whereas with Matty Taylor you always felt he could pull one out of thin air..
Chix
It could be worse, Everton are to bid for Newcastle "FORWARD???" Alan Smith...Now I know it really is silly season!
pentonpompey
MFFP
Nobody got stolen, we just appear to very bad at negotiating! As for not being a big club this season .. We are the same size as we were last .. nothing has actually changed status wise .. although we have changed manager and have less money.. The same as a few clubs .. Are Blackburn or Chelsea smaller clubs too - They have similar situations to us ?. I would accept however that we appear less attractive .. I'll let you have that one ;)
Chix
Ps. With you Paul and Chix 100% about Matty Taylor...Bloody Redknob! Just because his wasn't one of his love children...
pentonpompey
the writing was on the wall wt matty's inview after the win at wiganthat kept us up..he was off from then- for those who may not recall it Goeff Shreeves i think it was . was being all sycophantic about the manager and trying to fish a matching responce from MT. " The manager deserves alot of credit for thiis?" MT; (Slightly mifffed tone of voice) No, no! i feel the PLAYERS deserve alot of credit..etc etc slightly praises REdnobb. I said it at the time amd other times after. MT had upset the right Honarable Sir Henry Bovinus Excrementus. "Off with head he called and he stamped his feet calling to his Sugary daddy "Sascha! Sascha! buy me big toys now! now!- dont like that matty... i want new toy now, get me him and him and him, because Im as good as the other boys in the playground, that Alex, and Josey. im as good as them.look it says so in the paper and on the tele.. Get me my toys" Yes dear Yes dear of course i will dear lets ring uncle Peter now and get him on to it. said the sugary daddy...etc etc Unfortunately you know how the story ends
plymouth graham
We're just a team full of Peles.....a team full of Peeeelees! I wish...
PFCGino
Come on everyone, lets just get behind the team and management we have at the moment. We are not in a position to change any of that, so lets give them the benefit of doubt and wait until Monday morning before we try and analyse what we might have signed. What is good this window is that the Club are only going public once a deal is done, which is how it should be. I am sure we will get the right cailbre of player(s) in to bolster the squad and I still reckon we will finish 7th or 8th. Yeah I await the barrage of stick about that but hey go for it! Lets face it who is better out there to manage the team, Curbishly. Coleman?? that we could afford, even if Ferguson came here he wouldn't have 50m to buy a league winning team, so lets give credit were due and lets not forget we were on 30 seconds away from beating AC Milan under the leadership of Tony, yet got humiliated in Braga under Jamie's Dad. PUP
blarmy
Chix - how many professions do you actually have? Undercover agent, proffessor of History and now medical expert. Your CV must be HUGE! Great article though, you should be a pundit on Sky Sports News - better than Le *****ier!!
PFCGino
Well said Blarmy. Great read as always Chix. I heard a rumour about that we're interested in Alan Smith from Newcastle. Anyone confirm this?
NinjaTim
Its 10.00am and Setanta are saying that Storrie is in talks with Saviola. But Storrie is concerned that Saviola is not match fit.
Gandor1
Thankfully Joey Barton managed to break his Metatarsal last night and is out for 8 weeks.....phew!
bluedr
If the lad Saviola is not match fit then that can be resolved in a couple of weeks, I doubt if he has been sitting around just reading the paper, so he is probably pretty fit, just needs to get his sharpness back. As long as he is not carrying an injury he could be reday for the Liverpool game.
blarmy
I do like Adams but how long can we keep hearing this luck thing..? Life isnt about getting lucky, its about blood, sweat and tears.. haha
nodster
Saviola is going to PSV he ain't coming here. mark my words lol and yes chix awaiting de tagging would have been fantastic but i think id rather have the player sign than a funny title although.. =D
pompeym@
I'm still reading that Saviola might be on his way. Not match fit? Well sign him while the window's open, then get him match fit. Not rocket science is it! Apparently 'Sunny' failed the medical? Anyone know why Pele didn't even make the bench on Tuesday night - do we expect to see him at the Cottage?
tracyc
pele needs to adapt to english football. It's much more physical than on the continent. And you defo can't throw a young lad who's major game is playmaker....he'll get torn apart. I expect a few weeks training with the team and in the reserves before we see him for the first team. Mullins has experience hence why he got straight in. On a side note, i'm begining to not like coming to this site. I left the last pompey site cos people were soooo negative all the time. WE ARE NOT A TOP PREMIER LEAGUE CLUB! We just don't have the infrastructure! No team that attracts just 20k people a week can afford the luxury of world class players and as soon as people start realising that the sooner they'll start seeing these signings in a good light. We have a much better team than many other clubs in this league. You all sit here and moan at how bad we are this season.... but look around you... how many other teams are having an equally bad time? West Brom, Stoke, Newcastle, Sunderland, Bolton, Blackburn, Spurs, Fulham... Hull are now struggling after a promising start.... We just need to be better than 3 of these clubs which we most definitely are.
Bowlsey
i think you're being a bit unfair Bowlsey to say that everyone is too negative on here - far from it... yep there are some, and they know it, but then others are being, as you say realistic. you will be hard pushed to find a better pompey site than this one - if you do find it i would in actual fact be amazed tbh...
pompeyrug
yeah, i do apologise not everyone on here is negative. I just get annoyed when our own fans are already writing us off and telling me to expect championship football next season...
Bowlsey
to be fair tho, there are not many saying 'expect championship football', if i have seen 1 or 2 say that - and openly mean it without doubt - i would be surprised...
pompeyrug
im the pessimist here bowlsey and i like you think the bottom three will not include pompey (im going for 15-16th). i have a cheeky 5 on the toon to go down. stoke/west brom arent going to have much bite in them, hull will continue their downfall, spurs (unfortunately) will escape, boro are in real dire mess atm, blackburn should be ok with big sam (i maintain we should have taken on big sam as our manager!), the toon will be there abouts. i think sunderland/bolton/fulham will be safe.
pompey--pessimist
that was abit optomistic weren't it, you might have to change your name if your not careful lol
pompeym@
The problem is, the wrong players have been signedat pompey over the past 2 years, mostly down to redknapp. campbell is a good example he earns 100,000 a week but is not worth even a half of a half of this. too many defensive midfields have been bought, its a bit of a joke around europeans that if portsmouth get any any less creative players, they will be stuck to passes in their penalty zone. There are only 2 creative midfields in the team- kranjcar and pennant. hughes davis mullins mvuemba diop kaboul pele wilson are all defensive and pompey keep trying to sign more of them - amady faye and sunny! try and get someone who can begin attacks instead of stopping the other teams attacks.
saviolafan
If he'd said back in August we were going to finish 15th-16th, the name would be ideal
hammersmithblue
very good point saviola fan - although personally, I would say GJ is fairly creative too... as for super matty taylor - whilst I would love him back... we already have two players that play in the left wing/fullback role - so would he be content to sit on the bench for 1/3 games? or would you REALLY want to see him play left back? or worse, belhadj at left back?
pompeycarpet
Chix - what a fantastic article! I never knew that amongst your skills you were a real doctor too! Hopefully I won't have to book myself in for an appointment in May due to a deep and sudden depression...
Squee
hammersmithblue - not sure if it can be found but i did actually say a few months back (a couple of games into the TA regime) that I thought we would finish 15-16th :) i didnt choose this name for nothing haha.
pompey--pessimist
i've got a Newcastle fan who sits next to me and he's more depressed than you lot - he thinks the Toon are doomed ! So yes, look at the teams around us - we just have to beat half of them to stay up!
StuartM
bowlsey, I for one am up, then I'm down, i see us linked with what i consider ridiculous transfer targets, Harewood being one of the worst. Faye is another, plenty of others, i see players like HUnt at reading who could go for 5m and my tip for stardom Delph at leeds, and feel that these type of players are reasonably priced (well we do not know what Leeds want and he is young and untested so lets count him out and say Bullard, or The scouse genius that is Kevin Nolan) and Tony doesnt seem to be interested in them. He says he has a budget and wants 5 players, so far he has signed one on loan and another for between 1-2m. The thing is We dont know what that budget is, but it looks like he has enough for a MArs bar or an assortment of chews because he has only bought chews so far, and sadly this kind of wheeling and dealing is bargain hunting and will probably only result in relegation, we play well but lose so we are happy but in the end we are sad. If you reverse it, and we play poor and win we are sad but over all happy. its the same thing. The big picture looks bleak, and we get frustrated because we do not know what is going on. Saviola is a prime example . were close - no were not -were close - he's not fit..to me it all sounds like BS so we feel frustrated and upset again..nuff said ive bored myself now
plymouth graham
Jesus
How can I respond to that little lot .. ah well let me have a go!
Plymouth Graham Fantastic account of the Matt Taylor interview - You should write for Vital Pompey ;) Penton & Paultsmouth I'd have Matt back like a shot even if it meant, and it probably would, Carpet not playing Belhadj. Blarmy I'll come to you at the end. Gino How many professions do I have? Only three I take seriously Husband (to a beautiful wife), Daddy (to two wonderful girls) and Fanatical Supporter of the best team in the world.Tim Not heard a peep about Alan Smith - Have you heard anymore? Gandor, Pompeym@ & Blarmy re Saviola I think Tony is looking at immediate performances and won't risk an unfit player wasting his time. Nodster Blood sweat and tears indeed.. but hopefully not too many tears !! Bowlsey I'll come back to you along withBlarmy The Landord Rug as ever the voice of reason and you are right Vital is second to none .. thanks to the effort you put in to keep it up and running All (he really hates me saying that!! (lol) .. but it's true! Pessimist You are a diamond mate very level headed even when things ain't going the way they should - I wish there were more like you Saviolafan Well if the reports are correct he isn't coming so I guess we won't see you anymore.. unless on Vital Wigan... as for Pompey being a joke around europeans I'm flattered they know we exist - Shows how far we have come ... Laugh away !HSB I'd take 16th this an any season - 38 points is all I ever need anything more is a real bounes.. The Lovely Squee (excuse me fellas while I flirt) You can make an appointment anytime you want - But I don't do depression !StuM God if your toon friend was depressed before Barton and Owen got injured .. what's he like now ! Plymouth Graham Fabian Delph ... wait for it 2.5million - That is all Seriously... Right now that is done I'm going adress Bowlsey and Blarmy


Bowlsey and Blarmy
Little do you two know that this afternoon when I read your comments they nearly brought a lump to my throat for the pair of you to stand up for what we are and who we are made me really proud to be a Pompey fan. It is all too easy to sit and moan and think about where we were last year but we ARE Pompey and although at times it's hard not to get bogged down in day to day issues we muat ALL remember that actually we are doing ok .. This article 'click here' is dedicated to the pair of you - Do not go anywhere Pompey and Vital Pompey need you !
Chix
Alan Smith or Kevin Nolan anyone?
NinjaTim
Vela and Merida from Arsenal are being linked to us. Also read that Adams has decided not to pursue Saviola on grounds of fitness - maybe Storrie was softening us up for that news earlier.
NinjaTim
Ninja Tim
I've not heard any rumours about Alan Smith or Kevin Nolan but I reckon both could do a job. Especially Smith a player I rated really highly during his Leeds days - It was only when Ferguson tried to turn him into a midfielder that he went off the boil - I definately think he is worth a punt.


As for Vela & Merida I can't see either of them coming Arsenal woiuldn't sell two shinning stars and we are already at our domestic loan limit - So can't see anything happening on that front.
Chix
Like you, Chix, I think Smith is worth a go. He's got so much talent as a forward. Wouldn't let anyone down.
NinjaTim
 

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