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You Are Peter Storrie

Transfer Window Entertainment Programme - Take 4

You are Peter Storrie. Having promised at least 5 signings during the January transfer window, to date you have delivered just one - A loan player who didn't really want to join in the first place!

The pressure is on. You have just 14 days left to deliver against your promise and despite providing constant reassurances to your clubs supporters they are beginning to get restless, but wait…all of a sudden, things start to hot up.

How to play

Answer each of the following 10 questions to the best of your ability and note down the corresponding letter for your response.
When complete, total each letter and asses your performance against the rating guide provided. Good luck!

Bristol City Manager Gary Johnson insists he will not sell Marvin Elliott at any price, do you?

    A.Walk away from the deal disappointed
    B.Claim you never wanted him anyway
    C.Offer £15m just to call his bluff
    D.Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion

Joey Barton has publicly stated he would love to join Pompey, do you?
    A. Make Newcastle a £3m take-it-or-leave-it deal
    B. Sign him up at any cost - It`s not like he is a dirty player
    C. Go on record stating 'ex-cons` are not welcome at Pompey
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion

Michael Johnson can`t decide if he is ready to move South, do you?
    A. Convince him Pompey will finish higher than Man City next season
    B. Offer him a tour of Pompey's ground and training facilities to convince him
    C. Tell him Portsmouth is rough City and wimps are not welcome anyway
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion

Manchester City make ex-Pompey favourite Benjani available for £2m, do you?
    A. Drive to Manchester, deliver the cheque and return with a living legend
    B. Ring Benjani and ask him to make his own way to Fratton Park to meet you
    C. Thank City but tell them you can not afford to wait 14 games for a goal
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion

Steve Coppell keeps hounding you about a striking a deal for Leroy Lita, do you?
    A. Say no thanks as you smell a rat considering the small fee demanded
    B. Offer the asking price to get Coppell off your back
    C. Forget about Lita and just jump up and down chanting 7-4, 7-4, 7-4
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion
Robbie Earnshaw grabs a double Hat-trick as Forest beat Derby 6-0 in the 4th Round of the Cup do you?
    A. State that you knew he was quality, but he is not Pompey class
    B. Ignore what the fans think, sign him up immediately. You are in charge afterall
    C. Dismiss Derby as a poor side who will go down with The Scummers
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion
Leeds state they are willing to sell Fabian Delph for £1m but would prefer players of an equal value in exchange, do you?
    A. Decline the offer as you have stated that no other players will leave the club
    B. Reluctantly suggest Linvoy could be used in exchange for the talented youngster
    C. Ring Leeds to tell them Duffy, Djimi, Utaka, and Lauren are on their way
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion
At the age of 35 Marco Materazzi still believes he can offer Pompey three good seasons, do you?
    A. Agree that you will sign him as long as he passes a rigorous medical
    B. Laugh at the suggestion and accuse him of spoiling the World Cup Final
    C. Offer him a contract, to make Sol Campbell look fast over 10 yards
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion
During a press conference a reporter asks for an update on the five signings you promised, do you?
    A. State that you have many irons in the fire and still have 10 days to seal some deals
    B. Claim you were misquoted and the voice heard on the radio was not actually you
    C. Request a written transcript of the alleged statement
    D. Admit it has all been lies and that January has been one long holiday

A reporter stops you in the street and suggests you sack Tony Adams and appoint Tony Pulis do you?
    A. Pat the reporter on the back, laugh the suggestion off and walk away smiling
    B. Admit that you probably should but you have given him three more games to obtain some points
    C. Tell the reporter that you will stand by your man no matter what, even if that means relegation
    D. Give a wry smile and tell the press the deal is nearing completion

How did you score?
Assess your performance below

Mostly 'A's
You have demonstrated all the key attributes required to become Chief Executive of Portsmouth FC. Please attach your CV below


Mostly 'B's
Although it is clear you have the club at heart, it is felt that you are somewhat erratic in your decision making. It is predicted that additional personality tests will reveal your ideal occupation is that of a Referee


Mostly 'C's
Tact, diplomacy and negotiation do not appear to be you strong points. Your score indicates you maybe better suited to a career in the Police force. Alternatively apply for one of the vacant positions of 'Steward' at Fratton Park


Mostly 'D's
Welcome to Vital Pompey
Mr Storrie - Nice to have you on board!



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The Journalist

Writer: Chix Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday January 21 2009

Time: 7:02PM

Your Comments

Wednesday 21 January - 19:00 hrs
Well a new article to freshen things up - So far we have had over 500 comments on my Transfer Window Entertainment Articles I`d like to think we can reach well over 1000 before the window slams shut.

This article should take us up to the weekend and hopefully we will see a lot of activity If you believe what Peter & Tony say

Anyway without ado lets get things started by picking up on some comments I carried over from the previous thread


oh chix plz keep the puns coming there genius, (make me morning they do) but honestly everythings gone quiet again the only stories i've seen today is one saying we have confirmed our interest in Viera but we did that ages ago didn't we? and 1 saying we still hope to sign poulsen on loan, they sound like rehashes of old stories to me - and yea that would be some acheivement to keep it [Edited by hickin]
Chix
oh mate you had me in stiches with this 1 definatly the best yet. but aparently i should join the police force =( although diplomacy was never my strong suit i didn't think it was quite that bad lol
pompeym@
Genius Chix, pure genius
UKTony
All
Well I've managed to somehow lose a few comments carried over from the previous article - I tried to find them but game up as they were mainly Carpet banging on about something or other.. I'll sure he'll bring his point up again .. at least once ! (Sorry Carps.. You know I really mean it)
Chix
Pompeym@
Bend your knees and repeat after me... Evening All.. Alteratively you could become a 'steward' - You get to wear a brightly coloured jacket and act like the police.. only difference is everybody hates you !
Chix
UKTony
As always thank you for your kind comments my friend - Where would I be without the inspiration of Mr Artois and his beautiful wife Stella..
Chix
Fantastic read Chix, grinning ear to ear after reading that. I scored 'D's all the way!
tracyc
Holey moley, you really got bored didnt you Chix! Mostly As, I fancy myself as Chief Executive.
jbaker
ouch! only the second time I commented on that article too... anyway, back to THIS article, I was slightly scared by the heading... the first thing that came to my mind was "how did you know?!?!?"... needless to say, my responses were D,D,D,D,D,D,D,D,D,D.
pompeycarpet
back on topic, and I think your questions were a little loaded :-). no, I don't rate marvin eliott, no, I don't want barton (how can you say he would be good for pompey?!), and benji I would follow normal protocol. I don;t think it's right to just walk in and march a player down to your club! your awnser A to delph doesnt even make sence (they only say they would PREFER a player of equal value... so no-one has to leave :-) ), and the final question, awnser "C" should be at the top of the list.
pompeycarpet
Tracy
I was honoured to have been in your presence only recently.. if only I had known who you really were ...
Chix
Jbutcher
The jobs yours but I'd like to see your CV first.. In fact I think you have too much hair to be the Chief Executive,, better get down to the barbers sharpish if you REALLY want the job.. a nice short back and sides with a patch of skin in the mddle will do it ... Oh no! Images on my head ! Images on my head !
Chix
All As bar 2, who's telling Storrie and when do I start?
Gandor1
Carpet
I am truly sorry I lost your comments.. In fact I blame the engine that is Vital Football - It can not cope with my genius - I've taken on board your comments and I will endevour to ensure that all future articles are sent via your good self for punctuation, spellificplication, certification, ratification, confirmation, and publication prior to release.. Anyway .. Why don't you want Fred at Fratton ?
Chix
Gandor
You are far too experienced and far too rich to be CEO of Portsmouth FC .. I was hoping you were going to buy the club from Sasha and give us all jobs ... Chief Executive .. Why stop there .. 'The world is your Sausage' as Jbutcher would say !
Chix
Excellent chix - I am slowly (quickly) getting a reputation for greet spelling on hear ar'nt aye (anyway, where dodi spelling or grammer come into it... you just contradicted yourself...! Fred; I just don't think we need. I think we should be playing 4-5-1 (and think we will!) and crouch will be the man leading the line. If Fred came in, either he would disrupt our formation... or not play.
pompeycarpet
Actually, you may not know, but I do suffer from insomnia. So, many is the night I have laid awake wondering how one would go about getting hold of 250m, which is what I reckon we would need. I've planned the stadium, ticket prices, players wages, the whole shebang. The only thing I can't work out, is how to get the 250m. Any thoughts, anyone? And of course, we at Vital would have all the best jobs (goes without saying)!
Gandor1
Classic stuff Chix. Most of my answers suggest I am a closet Peter Storrie - well I am the same age!! I think that Gary O'Neil may be next up.
eastneydave
Funnily enough Chix, I'm getting a haircut soon (Jbarber). But yeah, if you put carpet, gleams and myself together we could make the age limit required to be Cheif Executive. We would do a damn good job too!
jbaker
Still get ba feeling for Gario as well, he was dragged off early at the weekend and they after Watson as a replacement , apparently
paultsmouth
allo allo whats all this then, what do ya mean the difference between the stewarts and the police is every1 hates the stewart? lol no further comment (no really i can't comment on anything football related nothings happened XD i will 1 day though i promise)
pompeym@
I reckon we would bring in more decent players for better value that peter storrie does... and we would be able to give more time to the fans... and... we would do a brilliant job jbaker!
pompeycarpet
Working on our priorities carps. 1. Get half-time entertain back (via Chix of course). 2. Make Rug the editor of the Programmes, with his band of journalists (Eastneydave, Paulstmouth, Chix - and Matt just to keep him happy). 3. Bring back Benji to win the fans over. 4. Make Linvoy a coach. 5. Don't bullshoot the fans about transfer fees and money we have available.
jbaker
oh, and to the superstitious, now is a very bad time to look at the burnley-spurs result.
pompeycarpet
Now is'nt this all a bit harsh on Peter-can arf tell a -Storrie?.... well actually..NO! excellent chix Im sure we are near completion now. To be serious though ever since we signed Colins Mbsumba -or what ever his name was - I have never been able to take PS seriously because i actually believed the article in which PS bigged him up after waiting for all that time for clearance etc
plymouth graham
Tell you what, I've never been to Burnley last night but I was shouting for them for 120 mins as if I'd been born and bred. Gutted for them. But nice to see Jamie's Dad's great man management this morning, going on about how they were sulking (they must have watched JD at Portsmouth). At least we left them on Sunday with quite a few in the old Physio's room.
hammersmithblue
Great stuff Dixy Chix! u might get a call from Shoot magazine soon
nodster
Pure quality Chix. You have brightened my day. You are a living legend mate.
NinjaTim
Great stuff chix. You have too much time on your hands!!!! Lots of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA's.
storagematt
Thursday 22 January 1830hrs

Well not much happening today despite Tony telling us to expect a few more before the weekend. In my book ‘a few’ is three on the basis that ‘a couple’ is two.. so that only leaves us with tomorrow for the mystery three to arrive.. Who could they be? Well I’m not sure but we have be re-linked with Gary O’Neil again following ‘boro’s interest in Ben Watson from Championship side Crystal Palace so that could be on the cards… What about Edmilson or Christian Poulsen ? Have we managed to convince either of those two that a loan spell at Pompey could help there careers ?

We know it isn’t going to be Patrick Vieira anyway as he is crocked for now, but I did read something this afternoon about Oliver Dacourt but I’m not really sure about him… Elsewhere Fred still looms large as does Appiah and speculation has also started up again about Goalkeeper Pele .. although all of sudden Spurs want him too .. but I’m not going there.. Post your thoughts below … and I’ll do my best to respond
Chix
Ok .. Picking up on some of the comments from earlier.. Carpet doesnt think we need Fred because of the formation (451) we are playing.. which is a fair point.. I'm more inclined to think we do need another striker.. not so we can play 442 if Crouch is fit.. but if we gets injured we don't have anybody else who can be that '1' in a 451 so would have to revert to a 442 anyway.. Can you follow this ?... So if Crouchy were to get injured (god forbid) we'd be stuck with any two from Nugent, Kanu & Utaka.. I can't see any combination of those two terrorising defences in the Premiership.. Another Striker please Tony.. Maybe Fred.. maybe not but we do need some cover.. for Crouchy..
Chix
Gandor
Lying awake dreaming of Pompey.. You seriously are a true blue.. I reckon you should share you plans for rebuilding the club with us all at Vital Pompey and maybe one of us will stump up the £250m you need..
Chix
Eastneydave
The closet Peter Storrie .. Well now we know thr truth eh !.. A very good shout about Gary O'Neil and who knows given the the movement by Boro today maybe they are rethinking their transfer strategy..Bring it on I say..
Chix
Paultsmouth
Sorry mate did you a dis-service didn't notice your comment about GAry O and Watson.. As I said earlier I hope it comes off and they rethink GON
Chix
Pompeym@
Do go all quiet on us just because nothings happening - We will miss you my friend..I bet you can't resist a comment .. can you ... eh ..eh..
Chix
Carpet, Gleams & JButcher JBaker JCandlestickmaker
Your takeover proposal for Storries job get my vote fellas.. Especially the bit about l'il ol'me doing the half-time entertainment....

Rug and his Band of Journalists.. I like that .. Sounds like I good name for a Rock Band!
Chix
Plymouth Graham
Just the thought of Collins Mbesumawill give me nightmares.. What a signing he was pure Genius on behalf of the Pompey Mgmt team at the time.. M. Perrin knew quality when he saw it... Zambian International, Afician Player of the Year, Brightest Prospect for the Kaiser Chiefs... Fat, Overrated lump of lard if I remember correctly !
Chix
HSB
I too was gutted watching the game last night .. really though Burnley were going to do it.. ah well Just hope ManYoo win the final and make another european place available.. You never know.. we might just need it .. but then again..
Chix
Nodster, Ninja Tim & Storagematt
Thanks for your comments fellas - Much appreciated .. We try our best to entertain.
Chix
Ok, Let's get back onto the serious business of transfers Who are 'The few' that Tony is going to bring before the weekend - Any thoughts?
Chix
hey i never said i wouldn't comment mate just that i'd try to comment more on the football cause i never seem to, you ain't get rid of me that easily lol but i have commented on the football this time look --> i really have no idea who their gonna bring in anymore theres far too many names flying around but i'll have ago, GON its got to be aint it he'd agree terms in an instant if allowed to, poulsen on loan maybe we did twist his arm and i'd like to say dacourt but i think it might be edmilson i just hope hes lost a few pounds hmm i still not sure though
pompeym@
Pompeym@
I stand corrected ;) I think there's a fair chance that Gary O'Neil could be one of them especially if Boro have changed their minds and alerted Pompey on the quiet so to speak. Poulsen could be another as you say because of the rumours and reports coming out this week but I think I've read (separately) that both the player and his agent have sadi he is staying put and that (normally) means they are - I'll check my facts on that one later and confirm Edmilson is another good shout and to be honest if he doesn't come soon he ain't coming at all. I don't think Dacourt is a target (although I could be wrong of course) I think that's just a story that's been made up - Apparently according to a not very reliable website his agent has said he may want to leave which may interest Pompey. That's like me saying I MAY change jobs and PFC MAY offer position of Manager... nah Dacourt gets a thumbs down from me story wise.. back in a mo ...
Chix
edmilson signed for palmais
stfc ballboy
...I,m back in the room. Now where was I befoe I had to put Pingu on the DVD player ! oh .. Possibles for the few I think we could pull Yohan Pele out of the hat on a pre-contract agreement, we have been linked with him for a very long time. Obodo is still an option and a door that I don't think has been closed .. yet. Then there is Marvin Elliot and although Bristol City have said they won't sell I can't see then standing in the way of a players career. Michael Johnson has yet to be snapped up and with all the attention elsewhere at Middle-Eastlands this week that deal could have always slipped under the radar.. as could Benjani of course. Then again given his antics on Saturday Newcastle might have decided that Joey Barton should leave.. The list is endless there's still about 15 names I haven't mentioned .. !!
Chix
Ballboy When did that happen mate .. I must have missed it ...
Chix
I think the headline Edmílson abandona el Villarreal on UEFA.com confirmsBallboys story. A good spot that man ! -So is that another one Mr Storrie will claim that got away !!
Chix
Chix - you rumbled me - I secretly AM Peter Storrie in disguise!
tracyc
Tracy
I always knew that was a wig on your head (lol) I reckon you could do a better job
Chix
Johnson Obodo and Barnetta!
jbaker
I will be very very pleased id Edmilson and dacourt get away, and to be honest I am not enthralled at getting Gario back. It seems to me that no one wants to come, and everything is on the cheep. Pennant knows he will get exposure/advert until he can make a lucrative deal somewhere bigger-which will be winners all round. Poulson wont come Appiah will go to Newcastle or some where bigger than us, or on a short 6 month deal again for the exposure. I would welcome Obodo and Elliot and there may be something in these rumours, but i keep getting this feeling for Delph from leeds for about £5/6m with a massive sell on. Barton i reckon will stay, or maybe go to Bolton/Blackburn, and Johnson could come but i do not think he will. My prediction then is that Fabian Delph- although I cant see Tony NOT getting an experianced sure starter at the top level of footbal, so i think we will see him arrive along with Obodo
plymouth graham
i did say i'd like to say dacourt, i do like him but i think your right theres not much chance i fear you may be right on poulsen as well. as for pele all i have to say is why we have 2 perfectly good goalkeepers and we have much much much bigger issues right now. obodo i think could be a very good call though, as with johnsen, but i hope the mercenary don't come he wouldn't want to battle at all and could be lazy like a certain mr john don't worry the ball will come to me utaka. but we will have to wait and see tomo..today, damn it it's late =D
pompeym@
Plymouth Graham
Tell you what, I'd settle for Fabian-Delph right now and we DO know that Tony was seen watching Leeds beofre Xmas so there is possibly a link there .. but they were playing Northampton so there maybe it's one of there players ?? Obodo is another good shout we have been linked (again) for a rather long time - He'll know Pompey from both Kanu and Utaka and he partnered Sulley Muntari before he came to Pompey of course - £4/5m they reckon which I see as affordable..
Chix
Pompeym@
I agree that a keeper is not a priority at the mo but David James won't go on forever so if one is becoming availbale I think we should get in there and at least have a look.. I'm not certain that I share your two other good keepers' either - One maybe ... at a push Only thing with Pele though is that I don't think he'll sit around in the stiffs waiting for Jameo to move on or retire.. umm we'll see. As for Poulsen I think you might just be right
Chix
Friday 23 January - 0600 hrs
ALARM CALL FOR MR ADAMS AND MR STORRIE We are expecting 'a few' more signings before the weekend. Their words not ours!
Chix
Well fellas I reckon we have 12 hours left of business left today If you hear anything share your thoughts by updating the thread below.. Wouldn't it be good if we DID see 'A few' before the day is done !
Chix
Well nothing in the early morning reports this morning so I'm going to offer a few of my own left field or 'off the wall choices First up is Szabolcs Huszti He is midfielder playing for Hannover who is looking for a more and a recent report suggested that all premier league clubs have been advised that he wants to leave.. nothing special there I here you cry... except I was trawling through an old file just a minutes aga and found that Pompey had nim watched when Hungary played Northern Lreland in November and were said to be keen.. Not much there either really but I've put 2 and 2 and come up with some of my own speculation..
Chix
Good luck in the next round of the Cup..
Buzz Lightyear
My 2nd off the wall choice this morning is Argentinian Striker Gaston Sangoy of Apollon Limassol - We were tracking him in Novemeber and December but to date he has yet to move despite being very keen on a move to the premier League.... Pompey maybe ?
Chix
Chix re Sangoy, I looked at this guy a little while back and made some comments about what I saw on you tube was fantastic. as it always is,-which i seem to remember were my exact comments last time. My old man has not been to too many games this tar due to his age and the weather so i presume his seat next to your wife in the fratton end has been empty.
plymouth graham
Well it is all quiet on the front today, and it looks like another week will go past with very little action (in transfer terms). Interesting signing by Aston Villa, bringing Heskey in. Is Mr O'Neill going for a complete English team?
sneakay
Graham - beware what you see on you tube, I remember seeing some very exciting footage of Utaka the Attacker.
tracyc
haha very true tracy. tbh guys i think we've fallen for more bull **** from pompey and atm i'd be surprised to see anyone by the end of next week let alone this week, arrr i'm turning all pessamistic =( god i hope i'm wrong
pompeym@
Friday 23 Jan - 1845 hrs
Well I'm sorry to say this fellas but I put my faith in Peter Storrie at the start of this window At least five he said and they are close We expected something at the end of last week We got Pennant but were promised a few more by today and what have we got nothing ! I am losing patience - I will (again) give him the benefit of doubt but if I hear one more promise that isn't delivered I am going to recycle every quote he has made this year and put them up for Vital Pompey reader to judge him on. If no more are coming please tell us !
Chix
Thanks for you support & comments this week chaps - I'm going to take a break from my Transfer Entertainment Articles until after the Villa game but then it's full on right up until the last minutes of the Window
Chix
ahh good i thought u where gonna say you were done for this window i would have cried =( lol ok maybe not but you get the idea and again thanks for the articles mate there fantastic as i've already said lol. but i agree storrie has lied to us 1 too many times i think and i will not be listening to a single word that comes out of his mouth without a vrey large pinch, make that plate of salt. well till the next transfer window obviously =D look forward to all his quotes but just to be safe i'd start soon
pompeym@
Enjoy your break Chix my old mate. You have too much of a good thing and this has certainly stirred up plenty of chat and thought. Pray for signings we do need them.
eastneydave
 

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